Gift Giving Tips

OK, I am about to violate a major rule of the Women's Club.  Yes, for all of you men who have been wondering, there is a club. Yes, we have a secret handshake and instead of passing messages via carrier pigeon we pass them from woman to woman in restrooms all across the world--that is why we always go to the bathroom in pairs.

So anyway, back to the rule violation. I am about to give you just a little bit of insight into what makes women tick.

With the holiday season approaching, I thought I would offer up some tips to consider when purchasing presents for the woman in your life. Here they are:

1) Anything that cleans anything, is not a present. It is either a hint or an insult--scratch that, it is both.

2) Acne medication, wrinkle revitalizer, or anything of the sort is not a gift either. Refer to #1 to see what it is.

3) Money is not a gift because it was half ours to start with.

4) Men's robes and men's watches were made for men, not women.

5) Sexy underwear, leather thongs or setting up the video camera in the bedroom are gifts for you, not us.

6) Asking us what we want means you don't listen when we talk or you don't really know us or a whole host of other things that are very, very bad.

7) Almost everything advertised on jewelry commercials is ugly. Don't fall for the happy woman in the ad.

8) When we say we don't want anything or agree that buying something big for the house instead of exchanging presents, we don't mean it.

9) If you get a great idea--something that reminds you of when you were dating--make sure it was actually her you were dating and not the woman before her.

10) And the last tip is this: no, you can't get it right. No matter what you do it will be wrong and badly wrapped.

Chris