The Colonel's sense of humor...

UPDATE: These are not real. They are jokes. They have been passed around the internet and we thought they were funny...that's all...now back to our regularly scheduled program...

  #15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it  will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop!."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"
#3 "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
and the best one . . . .
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ... You're right, we don't. .... Sign here."

Comments

[USMC Steve]

I love that number one but it might just start a fight on occasion.

[tc399]

Those weren't taken from police videos. They are old cop jokes (I know....I am an old cop.) If the Colonel can't tell a joke from an urban legend, he no doubt can't decipher anything complicated. I almost bought his book until I saw that. I suppose he just doesn't 'get' it.